Friday, July 27, 2007

Daring the Gods (Revised)

So the world sometimes leaves you wondering
of your place in it, whether you've cause and reason
for breath or only habit.

So you look to the sky, or wherever your gods dwell
and fix a gaze forward and hurl yourself along,
drive sixty in a snow storm, carry timber across a lake
in a fourteen foot boat and three foot swells,
the white caps licking at the gunnel, jump
from a thirty foot cliff into dark waters, crawl
into an empty bear's den and run, face blood drained and corpse pale,
when you realize empty is a mistake.
And when it's done, and you're still there, close
your eyes, let your heart slow, let life slow.

It's not time and there are things to carry.
You're still needed.

5 Comments:

Blogger Grendel said...

Okay, so how about that as a possible revision?

10:49 AM  
Blogger Jerjo/Carjo said...

Yes, that works better. The second stanza has a momentum that builds to the third and which in turns justifies the first. If that makes sense.

10:24 PM  
Blogger Grendel said...

More or less. :)

9:05 AM  
Blogger Cherry Red said...

Grendel,
Where are you? Bloggerland would be a much happier place with more of your poetry. :)

Kim

2:55 PM  
Blogger Grendel said...

Heh. It has been more than bit. I've been pretty busy offline, but I really will have to try and start putting some new stuff out. Thank you for the encouragement. :)

9:15 AM  

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