Ashamed: A brief rant and apology
First, I want to be clear. I’m not ashamed of my military service. Far from it. I’m not ashamed of any of the men and women in uniform not even the ones who have been found guilty or stand accused murder and abuse. For them I feel at worst pity and sadness.
I served in the Minnesota National Guard for 8 years. I loved it. I loved everything about it. I even loved the shear mindless nihilism of sitting for hours next to my howitzer (and it was always “my” howitzer) waiting for something, anything to happen.
At the end of 8 years, and having been deployed to Britain for six months and missing the first three months of my first child’s life (I was lucky enough to be able to be there for his birth; other with me at the time missed the birth of their children) I did not re-enlist. I wanted to. I talked it over with my wife. We both knew what was likely to happen, as the war in Iraq went on and steady progression of Reserve and Guard units were deployed. The week my term of service ended, a car bomb killed three National Guardsmen in Iraq. I didn’t re-enlist.
A year later, my unit was activated, for a year long deployment to Iraq, with approximately six months training before leaving. They were due to come home in March of this year. Yesterday, as part of our “new way forward” their tours of duty were extended by one hundred and twenty-five days.
I am no knee jerk patriot. I have never believed the war in Iraq was necessary, although I did not think it was entirely “evil,” either. It has, however, been terribly mismanaged to the terrible detriment of both Iraqis and the soldiers involved.
And I am ashamed I did not re-enlist. My friends, my buddies stayed and went. Everyday I watch for their names in casualty lists. Everyday, I know, not think, but know I should be there. I’m ashamed I haven’t done more for them. Ashamed for letters unwritten and support not given.(see comment for finish)
I served in the Minnesota National Guard for 8 years. I loved it. I loved everything about it. I even loved the shear mindless nihilism of sitting for hours next to my howitzer (and it was always “my” howitzer) waiting for something, anything to happen.
At the end of 8 years, and having been deployed to Britain for six months and missing the first three months of my first child’s life (I was lucky enough to be able to be there for his birth; other with me at the time missed the birth of their children) I did not re-enlist. I wanted to. I talked it over with my wife. We both knew what was likely to happen, as the war in Iraq went on and steady progression of Reserve and Guard units were deployed. The week my term of service ended, a car bomb killed three National Guardsmen in Iraq. I didn’t re-enlist.
A year later, my unit was activated, for a year long deployment to Iraq, with approximately six months training before leaving. They were due to come home in March of this year. Yesterday, as part of our “new way forward” their tours of duty were extended by one hundred and twenty-five days.
I am no knee jerk patriot. I have never believed the war in Iraq was necessary, although I did not think it was entirely “evil,” either. It has, however, been terribly mismanaged to the terrible detriment of both Iraqis and the soldiers involved.
And I am ashamed I did not re-enlist. My friends, my buddies stayed and went. Everyday I watch for their names in casualty lists. Everyday, I know, not think, but know I should be there. I’m ashamed I haven’t done more for them. Ashamed for letters unwritten and support not given.(see comment for finish)
posted by Grendel at 12:21 PM
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